Sitting in cafes next to absolute pieces of shit
I have been developing a theory that there might be something about working with a laptop in a cafe that tends to specifically attract people who suck ass. I don't meant that everyone who works with a laptop in a coffee shop is an asshole, but that assholes in Los Angeles might be living the kinds of lives which cause them to cluster there. We have to work in cafes more frequently now because we are spending so much time driving across the city to deal with construction at our house. Maybe this has turned us into pieces of shit, too, but I think we have stiff competition.
In the last few weeks, I've sat next to a whole range of idiots and losers who insist on holding meetings where they utter loathsome shit I never want to hear again in my life. I sat next to a guy who was designing a chatbot for a web storefront. Nobody was engaging with the chatbot, so he spent half an hour in a meeting proposing, over and over again, that they "make engaging with the chatbot seem mandatory" in order to juice the participation numbers. He had to explain this to the call over and over again; I am imagining that everyone else on his team was confused, cautiously asking him why they'd want to lie to their customers about the purchase experience.
I also once sat next to two women in their 20s who were trying to become Substack stars. They spent about two hours discussing television, which seemed to be their industry - unfortunately their opinions were pretty preposterous, and I was forced to listen to them discuss the "rules" around how a character should be killed in a TV show. Their takeaway was basically that all character deaths should be handled like Game of Thrones, which did it the best. They also discussed juicing Substack engagement, which was worrying for me to hear because of the whole Nazi thing. One of them also mentioned in a quick aside that she disapproved!! of Bad Bunny's completely anodyne and sensible pre-Super Bowl statements about the Trump administration's racism. So I think I found the next generation of Nazi-sympathizing TV writers?
All anecdotal evidence, of course, for my theory of cafe shitheads. But it's possible actually that I'd hate a huge percentage of people in this city if I met them through the lens of their work. Maybe the chatbot guy is kind and pleasant to his peers and loved ones, and also simply completely willing to debase himself for a paycheck. Who knows. I've sat next to too many LLM marketing guys to count, which makes me wonder what percent of all the marketing people I've ever known have now been pressed into the service of chatbot companies. In nearly any cafe in Los Angeles I can count on finding at least one guy in his 20s sweating and fretting over the need to extract business value from a large language model. In Westwood I once sat next to a guy who was trying to incompetently and incorrectly explain LLMs to a client, growing increasingly despairing and agitated throughout the conversation. He looked like he hated his work just as much as I hated his work.
I've never felt more depressed about work itself than I have in the last year. I have friends in games and tech who've been joking that they have to, like, retvrn to the soil and do non-digital work to escape the coming rot. But I've heard enough bad stories about workers in physical industries, too, having to interact with systems of control powered by LLMs. Work seems to just be getting worse.
I'm not writing this because I'm despairing and I want you to share in my despair, though. I'm writing this as a sort of memorialization of the moment, because I am fairly confident that the things I'm seeing and hearing in Los Angeles these days are extremely temporal.
This is the 2026 vibe, but things are changing very quickly. Family members are emailing me about their plans to survive the obvious coming financial crash. Videogame hiring has stopped, but nothing viable has yet appeared to fill the void for this industry, and every publisher's 2027 slate is probably looking pretty thin. My friends are all scrambling to stay employed, but they know it's all going to resolve, one way or another, before the end of the year. The people in these cafes are trying desperately to extract value from a dying fad. Everything in politics, too, has the feel of Wiley E. Coyote's feet windmilling before they begin to fall precipitously downward. I am very, very confident that I won't feel exactly this way next year. Whatever I'll be feeling will be very, very different.