I finally got stung by a nettle
If you grew up in the US and were a big reader, there is a decent chance that you are some kind of children's media anglophile. It was really common for American kids in the 70s, 80s, and 90s to get absolutely walloped with the work of British children's authors. Librarians were extremely eager to recommend them, and I was constantly getting recommended writers like like Roald Dahl, Brian Jacques, A.A. Milne, Susan Cooper, Enid Blyton, etc etc. And of course, there was Tolkien. I read The Hobbit for the first time in... third grade? because everyone around me was acting like it was the coolest thing I could possibly read. I felt like 90% of the books librarians were enthusiastically putting in my hands were from Great Britain. I remember specifically believing that American children's fiction was worse than the stuff from Britain because less of it was getting assigned in class and fewer people were recommending it to me.
As a result, I was absolutely drenched in British cultural stuff that I did not understand at all. Public schools meaning private schools; rugby being some kind of fucked up football with no pads; local governments are called "councils"; there is a thing called a stoat, and it's going to hit me with a sword, or something.
One of the biggest looming references I could sorta-kinda understand, but not really, was the concept of "nettles". People in British children's fiction are constantly accidentally falling into nettles, or getting whipped by nettles as a form of physical punishment, or comparing pain to the pain of nettles. Nettles are everywhere. Because he was into gardening, I think I asked my dad whether nettles were like roses - thorny?? - and I'm pretty sure my dad said something along the lines of "I have absolutely no idea." Because he, too, had been drenched in British children's literature without any access to the stuff they wouldn't shut up about.
I assumed for years that nettles were probably just, like, really spiky, which is why they hurt so bad. I have no idea why I never looked them up on wikipedia. I have also seen much discussion of nettles on Geowizard's channel. His various straight lines sometimes go straight into nettles. On Saturday, however, I finally touched a nettle, so now I can proudly say that I finally understand what everyone in the novels of my youth was talking about.
Holy shit!! That fucking hurt!! It happened yesterday, as I write this, and it still hurts in that spot now and again!!!!
Here's the nettle I touched:
This is an invasive dwarf nettle growing in Whittier Narrows. This type of nettle apparently hurts even worse than a full-size one, and it's been introduced fairly widely in California. If you got to Whittier Narrows: watch the fuck out!!! These are all over the place right now, probably thanks to the heavy rains we just got. I was taking photos of this plant and tried to grab it to reposition the leaves. It got me on the pad of my index finger. I did not even notice the thorns on it until after I'd been stung.
I then finally, finally, after all this time, properly read the nettles wikipedia page. Those aren't rose-type thorns... they are hypodermic needle thorns that inject chemicals under your skin. I get it now. Jesus Christ, these plants suck. They do not belong here and we got 'em anyway!!
I am, however, glad to finally understand what all those books were talking about. I have had the histamines injected into my skin. Finally, I can now sympathize with hobbits and shit. It only took me thirty years!!